I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
