Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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