I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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