I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
