my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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