tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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