I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
