All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
