Ambien. No doubt about it.
id be glad to
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
