Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
