i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
