I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
