I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
