we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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