This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
