she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
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Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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