I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
