I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
