So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
