I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
