Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
