This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
