I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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