Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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