Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
