just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
