Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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