sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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