Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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