proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
