My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
