I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
