So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
