I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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