I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This is classic penis vs brain.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
