After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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