the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
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She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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