we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Blood and glitter go together right?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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