well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize