Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
