just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
