He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
