the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
