dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
