I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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