I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
