I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
