I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
