I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
