When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
