Soap is not a condiment
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
