I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
