I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i drank out of a bidet.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
