It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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