HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
