In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
