I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
