the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
