We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
