It's just like the Real World with babies
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
