Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
