I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
