Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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