I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
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there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Congratulations! We have a period
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