I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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