if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
