you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
