i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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