So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
