Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
