I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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