You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
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Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
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He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.