Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.