you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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