Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!