Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob