id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything