whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
