You're a womanizer and a bitch.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
