sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
