ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
