ya dads aren't the best wingmen
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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