My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
