Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
