I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
