I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
