when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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