the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i came on her dog
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
false alarm, still single
Randomize
