So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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