Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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